Soli Deo Gloria!

I’m superficial.

HAHA…that’s probably not news to anyone.

Every morning I think about what workout I’m going to do that day.  Every night I think about what workout I’m going to do the next day.  Everyday I flex in front of the mirror because, after all, isn’t that what the mirror’s for?

Here’s a picture from a blog post by Ross Enamait titled What if exercise made you ugly?

Now this is what Jason and I looked like the summer before college:

I weighed about 119 lbs at this point.  I lost 10 lbs that summer, but apparently Jason didn’t.  AHAHA.  But, he’s lost a lot since, and he’s my only reader…so I’m just kidding.

My apt. mates and I were going to do Before and After pictures our junior year, but it didn’t pan out.  Here’s one of my before pictures from Sept. 06:

I weighed at about 131.5 lbs at that point.  By the end of my junior year, however, I weighed a whopping 134.5 lbs.  And after OCS, I weighed 139 lbs.  Imagine that, burning a ton of calories a day, and then gaining weight.  I guess that happens when you stuff down a muffin every meal.  While in Washington D.C. over the fall quarter of my senior year, I went on a mass gaining program and stuffed myself everyday.  I came back weighing 150 lbs.

Then, I decided I was fat and went on the Zone diet and slimmed down to 134 lbs again.  I then semibulked up to 142 lbs to slim down to 134 lbs again.  Now, I’m back to bulking up again.

Anyways, after watching Bigger, Stronger, Faster, the documentary about steroids, I was reminded how superficial not only I am, but America is in general.  I grew up loving the WWF and martial arts sections of Blockbuster.  I loved Jean Claude Van Damme and Sylvester Stallone’s chiselled bodies.  What’s wrong with wanting to look like them?

Everyone has a positive view on exercise because of the prevalence of obesity and illness in America.  I think many people use the excuse of exercise’s being healthy for you to excuse exercising purely out of vanity.  If I weren’t entering the military, I don’t know what excuse I’d have for working out as much as I do.

I think these should be the primary reasons I workout:

1.  Survival (I will probably be in Afghanistan at some point.)

2.  Health (I don’t care about living long, but who wants to struggle with health problems?)

3.  Mobility (Who wants to ache throughout their lives with a limited range of motion?)

I’m going to desperately try to remove all forms of machoness and vanity from my life.  If I do act macho or vain, it’ll probably be for laughs.  By the way, I think I tried this a few years back as well, but of course, bad habits tend to creep back.

First, some comedy, courtesy of the NBA.

Now for some serious concerns.

I’ve always had my suspicions about Obama’s commitment to the Senate.  I cannot read him.  I don’t think he’s a bad guy, but his whole career has shown an ambition towards the presidency.  He doesn’t let his views known while a professor of law at the University of Chicago Law School.  He becomes a state senator to soon become a U.S. senator to soon run for President.  He spends more time running for elections than he does making a different in the positions he has held.  Personally, I don’t like it.  I think experience builds character, but maybe Obama is prodigious.  He sure knows his stuff.  Ambition breaks down and/or corrupts many people.  I sure hope this doesn’t happen to Obama, presumably our next President.

15Do not love the world or the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  16For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions-is not from the Father but is from the world. 17And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

- 1 John 2:15-17

Satan always finds old ways to tempt me, but they usually work.  I was going to enter a WorldWide Pullup Contest, which seemed innocent enough.  I got all pumped up with all the trash-talking going on on the net.  I was going to start dieting again this Monday, and I was going to post a before and after picture.  I don’t even know why.  I don’t think entering the WorldWide Pullup Contest is bad, per se, but I think it’s distracted me and made me overly concerned about my appearance again.  I’m going to work on my pullups and see how many I can do on the date of the contest, but I’ve decided not to post a video.

Man, being all Christian has ruined my trash-talking and competitive spirit…haha.

I feel like we’re all broken to varying degrees.  We get so used to suppressing, ignoring, averting, or maybe even accepting our brokenness.

I have to admit that I’m pretty broken.  For more than a year now, I’ve been in a lull.  At times, I’d try to address it.  At times, I’d pretend like I was fine.  Most of the time, though, it felt normal.

I always feel as if things will be great in the future.  I feel as if all my inadequacies will be fixed somehow in the future.  I feel as if, by reading up on things, I can prevent future problems-like future marriage problems.  I try to get all my bases covered, and if a problem does arise, I try to figure out how to fix it.

I’m afraid that by trying to be perfect and trying to have everything planned, I’m going to set myself up for a huge crash in the future.  I can deal with minicrashes, because life’s full of those, but I’d love to avoid one of those huge ones if I can.  What might even be worse is experiencing something in the future that’s somewhat similar to what I’m experiencing right now.  Like what if my marriage just becomes a lull?

I know life should not be this way.

Consciously and subconsciously, I’ve sought satisfaction in all the wrong things.  I’m very purposeful, so I’m always trying to do things that will help propel me into the future person I see myself as.  Like right now, I’m pursuing a business certificate, so I can be better prepared for grad school and a future in int’l development.  But somewhere along the way, I’ve lost sight of my spiritual well-being.  I can spend hours reading on health and exercise, but I’m always too lazy to read Christian blogs or spend time reading Christian books or spend time in prayer.  I usually read the Word, but that’s usually only about 20 min. a day now.  I don’t even read full chapters anymore, only subsections.  And I haven’t written down my quiet time stuff in a journal for over a year as well.

It wasn’t always this way.  I think it slowly started happening ever since I left KCCC.  It wasn’t like I suddenly became a crazy sinner, but it’s just that I didn’t have as much fellowship with God or with fellow Christians.  And so slowly over the past year or so, I’ve decayed spiritually.

Recently, I thought about a few words that I had read in a book.  These were the words:

“Only one life,

‘Twil soon be past;

Only what’s done

for Christ will last.”

Of course, I didn’t remember it word-for-word at the time.  For a split second, I was thinking about my life, and I got scared.  I looked at the way I was living, and I realized I was cherishing a lot of things that wouldn’t last.  For the first time in a long time, I actually was afraid of dying.  But, then, soon after I brushed these thoughts aside.

Every once in a while, I wonder if I could give up on weight lifting.  I wonder how this fits into my purpose of glorifying God.  But, then, soon after I brush those thoughts aside as well.  It’s always funny how attached you can get to something, when you’re in the moment.  It’s like being attached to an ex, even when it’s not healthy.  I think it’s funny that I haven’t gotten attached to a girl in a long time.  I see so many people trying to find fulfillment in the other sex.  It’s so unhealthy.

Aside from weight lifting, I think I’ve taken the other route of trying to find satisfaction in my work.  I mean, I dislike studying, so I don’t really try to find satisfaction in that.  But, like I wrote earlier, I’m always thinking about what I’m going to be doing in the future.  I have it imprinted in my mind, which is probably a good thing.  The problem is that its made me numb inside.  Because I know my future is going to be in something that’s pretty selfless, I feel as if I’m fine spiritually.  I feel like I just need to become knowledgeable of economics, poverty, etc.

Today at church, an ex-pastor spoke about how he always grew up trying to do everything right.  Then, he set up 3 big churches, and he was always working.  Then, one day he went to a mission trip to India and had an affair.  He came back and told his wife he was leaving her.  He moved into an apt near his mistress, but then she eventually left him as well.  He then considered suicide and was admitted into a hospital.  He lost it all.

He was living his life for his work.  He was growing big churches and expanding his ministry, but he wasn’t taking care of himself.  I so see myself going down that path right now.  Before I guess used to being numb any longer, before I get used to lying to myself, I need to stop myself.